Finding Joy When You Least Expect It
I remember this time last year. Meeting with the fertility doctor to discuss the short time frame that I had before me to harvest eggs. I decided pretty quickly that I did not want to do it. I remember arguing my position to my dad on the phone. I was sitting in my car as tears fell. I remember that morning frustrated. More than anything I was frustrated that I had to make the choice to begin with.
So my initial reaction was to not deal with it by choosing not to do it. But turns out not doingView full post »
“You never feel more alive than when you’re dependent on something other than yourself.”
I have not written for a while… but not because I have not wanted to. Things have gotten busy around here. Life continues to fill up and my summer has been filled with weekends in the mountains, attending Woodchoppers in Wyoming, bike rides, hikes and celebrations. I am noticing my body recovering yet at the same time feel that my need for sleep continues to be great. I must admit IView full post »
“If that remains my expectation, then I will surely be disappointed.
But perhaps I can expect something else that is equally good, only different.”
These words shared in a post made by Kara Tippets husband Jason here, regarding his place as a widower after the passing of his dear wife from Breast Cancer. I have continued to read his words over and over again. The notion that if my expectations remain such … then I will surely be disappointed.
My expectation that I will comeView full post »
I woke up this morning after another night of hot flashes and night sweats. Despite being told that these would be gone a few short weeks after chemotherapy completed, I am now ten weeks from my last treatment and they are as present as they were before. (worse in fact). You may ask what this may mean and let me explain….
The hot flashes and night sweats mean that I am still in what some say is “chemopause”. A sort of medically induced menopause that is caused by chemotherapy.View full post »
From my desk at work I sit nearby four other women. I often listen as they discuss their lives, their new homes, their dog that ate something it shouldn’t have, their distant family and the hope of having children someday. This particular day (yesterday) I found myself in silence. The music in my headphones could not be loud enough to silence the conversation, nor quiet the jealousy in my heart. The very things I once longed for seem so trivial to me now. My list ofView full post »
My doorbell rang just as I was talking to my dad this afternoon. Tears streamed my face as I explained the outcome of today. He listened to my obvious disappointment and tried to encourage me……how much I wish I could reach through the phone and have him hold me.
This morning after my roommate drove me back home and went back work I laid in my bed and wept. Both physically and emotionally I am drained.
After being admitted for surgery around 8 am, I found my way to the operatingView full post »
Monday morning, I am awake with anticipation. In just a half hour I will be leaving for the fertility doctor for my egg harvest procedure (not sure proper term). Saturday, the doctor decided to go ahead and move forward with the trigger (exactly 36 hours before my retrieval). Saturday night I had three shots in total. Two in my stomach and the trigger shot, in my gluteal muscle. Candice (my roommate) kindly did this one for me, since it was a bigger needle and harder to reach on my butt.View full post »
Good Morning, Day 9 of fertility medicine. The nurse called me yesterday with my dosage instructions (She calls every day) and said that I must take my shots prior to 6:30 am and that today would potentially be my “trigger shot” (the last one). This would mean my retrieval would take place on Monday. I should know more in an hour when I get to the doctors office. I look forward to this process to be completed and my early morning wake ups to stop….. Which ever day it is, IView full post »
Taking in the good with the bad.
I just got home from Crossfit. This was my first visit back to crossfit since my surgery. My surgery was five weeks ago today (some days it feels like yesterday, other days like a lifetime ago). As you can imagine my ability to Crossfit is limited. I tried my best with some air squats, step ups and core work, as I watched my friends push themselves with exercises that make my chest hurt just thinking about them. (not envious in the least).
Thank you LeannView full post »
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