I remembered this morning why walking into the cancer center alone is so very lonely. This morning I went to have my counts checked to get cleared before my scheduled surgery Friday. The usual…. the dreaded scale, the vitals, my temperature all checked. Shortly after I have to lay out my right arm, so the nurse can take my blood. All the same routine.

As soon as she took vials of blood the nurse let me know that my oncologist wanted me to wait to see if my number came up before letting me leave. While talking to my nurse navigator in the hallway and filling her in on how things were going, my doctor approached with my “stat sheet”. She went on to explain that my numbers were SLLLLLOWWWLYYY coming up.

Surprised….(it had been almost two weeks) I asked her what that meant and asked her if I was OK for surgery Friday?

She paused. She didn’t say anything…. for what seemed like a very long time. She then spoke up, clearly deep in thought and said I forgot you were going in this Friday. (In her defense this is my surgery with my plastic surgeon and not directly under the care of my oncologist).

Trying not to cry, as she was obviously unsure if this was OK, I just patiently waited for her to answer me….

She then said, “I need you to come in tomorrow, we will do labs again and probably give you a shot again to see if we can get your numbers up.”


Of course, I do I thought. Not so good news and back in the hospital. Hard to imagine me every expecting good news anymore I thought.

So that is that. My mom flies in tomorrow whether surgery is happening or not. (I still think I should be OK for surgery).

And as for me…. cancer really stinks sometimes. And so does a schedule/ day timer/ planner/ calender that is filled with doctors appointments. So very tired of them.

Here is to hoping surgery is still a go and dreaming of warm summer days that include climbing mountains, adventures on my road bike…. and celebrating Kylie and Shep’s wedding in Austin and weddings under the stars by the lake this summer in Idaho.  I am ready to run away 🙂

But the best part of all, my nephew is welcoming his face to the world in just two WEEKS!

Praying for patience, hope and more patience today

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