“For Paul, accepting his circumstances is the secret to being content in them. Such relinquishment fress Paul to glue his attention to the opportunities before him rather than focus on that which has been stripped away. The journey to joy begins with ACCEPTANCE.” – Fight Back with Joy, Margaret Fineberg
Sweet words that are music to my ear this morning… Just last night it took me an hour to drive home. One hour to go four miles. I am certain I could have walked faster than driving. My moms expected arrival last evening left her with a flight cancelled and rebooked for this morning. This morning she is again delayed and should it not be delayed again she might make it in before I am all finished up with chemo. Denver is a beautiful painted white of snow that makes travel complicated to say the least.
This morning I woke up a bit sore and tired. That is the new normal. I am sleeping through the night but for the past week I have noticed that I am getting more and more tired. On top of that I am now experiencing daily hot flashes. One minute I am freezing, the next I cannot seem to take my clothes off quick enough. My colleagues at work are used to my wardrobe changes…. I go from wearing a coat and a hat with the space heater running, to then a tank top and fanning myself. Sleeping with these temperature change episodes is a whole new adventure….
I appreciate so many of you commenting on my last post. I know I was honest, and it may have been hard to read, but know it comes from a place that believes in healing. That believes there is power in working through “our stuff”. That believes in shedding light on hard things to bring restoration there. And if I am honest it did wonders for me to write it down, to pour my heart out, to express my frustrations and my fears… So thank you. For caring enough to read and to pray for me.
The quote above is from the book I am currently reading and it has really touched on some things I am working on currently. This notion of being stripped away…. of being shed of everything. But that by focusing on what has been stripped away I am unable to see the opportunities before me.
She goes on to write, “We tend to resist that which inhibits us….. Worse, we spin in the comparison trap of what our lives used to be….. Paul does not find contentment in bucking his circumstances but in surrendering control of them.”
Just like that, her words knock me over. My comparison. My everyday longing for the past. For what was. For what my life used to be. What I never realized is that by doing so I robbed myself of the joy that comes in the today? In the tommorow? In the unknowns that are before me. That I am robbing myself of the story that is mine.
So today, as I prepare for chemotherapy round three…. I am choosing to be accepting of what is today. The today that is a sidewalk that continues to be covered in snow, even after two attempts to clear it. The sun shining for the brief moments this morning before our second wave of snow comes tonight….. and that this is my second to last chemo treatment.
A friend of mine text messaged me after reading my last post and said,
“Your thoughts, your hurts, your pain all matter and are a big deal. You dont need to numb yourself to their realities. But don’t overwhelm yourself with the unknowns of the future. One day at a time. He will reveal your story and because it His story for you, it’ll be amazing and unlike any others.”
I hope that encourages you because it encourages me. I am humbled by the faith and trust this friend has in the Lord, and even better to be on the receiving end of the truths he shares. I have re- read this text message nearly every day…..
His Story. He is writing a grand story. One that requires acceptance. One that believes in his goodness. One that trusts it is His story for me.
May today find you accepting of your own fears, your own hurt and your pain, but never doubting that acceptance of these things, reveals the grander story being written for you.
I appreciate your prayers as I drive in the snow to chemo and my parents try and make it in to Denver today.