It started. Saturday afternoon I got out of the shower and it started to fall. Gently. But it started. I ran my fingers through the back of my scalp and in the palm of my hand was my hair. I ran my fingers through again. More hair in my hands. My eyes began to fill with water and the reality started to weigh in, my hair was falling. The tears fell from my cheeks….
That evening I went to dinner with some of the dearest women to me. I got ready. Straightened my hair as more of it fell on the floor and thought to myself….. this is it. I am not getting ready like this again. I am shaving tomorrow night.
I had originally thought Wednesday would be good night for the shave. Even thought Wednesday might be a premature date but based on what I had read/ doctors had advised it seemed reasonable. But Sunday? Sunday was never in the plan….. but Sunday it was.
So I messaged my people. The people I wanted there. My hair dresser. Whom I hold dear and who had the supplies, the expertise and the heart. My coworker/ photographer/ friend. To capture the moment. My friends. College girlfriends. My old roommates, my current roommates. The Colorado girls that adopted me as their best friend. My cousin and his wife. My dad’s childhood best friend, his wife who are practically family. Can you show up tomorrow night? Just be there next to me?
And they could. Everyone could. A celebration. A sunday shave party it would be. And so much more than that, it was…..
I write to you with my newly shaved head from my bed. Overwhelmed. But more than anything full of joy.
Tonight as music played, champagne and bourbon was poured, conversation was had and my hair was shaved away I cried, laughed, and even smiled for what was something really special.
We made sure my family in Kentucky was setup on my laptop across from me (facetime) so they could watch the whole thing.
Ric (my dads very best friend) toasted to me. I shared some words about what it means to have cancer and know joy. What it means to know people that are worth far more than you ever knew before you had cancer….And what it meant to be humbled by their presence tonight…
While Cameron cut my hair I looked out on to a group of people that saw me. That loved me. No matter what length my hair was. I decided to have her cut a mohawk first. (When else do you get too???). Without hesitation my roommate went to her room and retrieved a Slayer shirt she had. I mean doesn’t everyone have one handy? I put the shirt on and she perfected the spike I giggled at the alter ego I got to have. It was a wonderful beautiful moment. And to be honest it looked funky in a cool kind of way.
Moments later I sat back down after some pictures were captured and she buzzed away the last bit. Deep breaths I thought. I continued to cry. At times weep. But all in all it was a moment that I would never trade. To look across the room to others. Who had been apart of my life in so many different avenues. To have been the recipient of their love during this time. To look me in the eye and remind me I am beautiful. Let me know that I am known. That I matter. What greater gift than that?
I kept repeating to myself while I heard the sound of the clippers across my head. HE is really good. HE is really good. God is so very good.
Tonight was beyond special. What I needed and what I received were those looking me in the eyes reminding me that I was loved. I am loved.
Love was evident tonight as we said goodbye to my hair. It was a really wonderful celebration….. Katie took the professional photographs and I will share each one with all of you. I promise.
Thank you for celebrating with me.
He really is really good.