The good news that is is hard to celebrate

At 7:48 am this morning my phone alerted me with a voicemail from my breast surgeon Dr. Moore… my pathology report had come back. She started the message with “I have great news!”. I quickly turned my phone on speaker so my mom could listen along……

My seven lymph nodes were confirmed negative for cancer.  My doctor confirmed that my choice to do “skin sparing” (removing of my nipples) was a good choice because the cancer had moved into my left nipple so it would have had to be removed anyway. (This helped explain the pain I was feeling around this area). Additionally my clear margins confirmed no radiation.  All good news.

We finished listening to the voicemail and my mom and I looked at each other.  I barely took a smile. My mom overjoyed looked at my somber face. Taking a deep breath, I said “that’s good news”. My mom not convinced of my reaction, asked me what is wrong. I tried to not cry.

I went on to explain as best I could….. It is not that I am not happy…… I am. It is just that phone calls like this are still hard to process. Good news, bad news it’s still news about cancer. Me. That I have breast cancer. (or did). I should say.

So while I attempt to recover and process this emotional journey, forgive me for not jumping up in down at good news. I just can’t do it. At least today I can’t.

But know that you have my full permission to do so for me…..

Your prayers, your thoughts are felt and so appreciated.

I am curled up on the couch, bandaged laying next to my mom and Rachel. Goodnight everyone.

***I will update later on my follow up appointment that took place today at the Plastic Surgeon. As well as my moms spin around Nordstrom in a wheelchair for a change of scenery.

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