Inviting people to be apart of your story and your pain is something that reaps the most beautiful out pour of blessings. Rather than closing the door and attempting to battle this alone, by inviting people to be apart of this story and this journey, I have a stockpile of moments that I will carry with me for the rest of my life….
I have had multiple people speak of my diagnosis with a sense of urgency and excitement. As though they know something I do not. As though they believe something is being done in the midst of all this and they are waiting with urgency to see it come to light.
I love believing that.
Rather than spend my time in anger or bitterness approaching this diagnosis, I am choosing to believe that something good will be on the other side……. It sure makes the waiting and the days easier to bare.
I have spoken of my stubbornness nature before and my independence. Up to today I was the girl out there conquering the world, my fears and seeking to climb the next mountain. Whether it was backpacking alone through Central America, attending yoga school, quitting my job and heading south, signing up for races, or spending money on once and a lifetime opportunities….. I am a seeker, a doer and I wanted to leave no stone upturned in this thing called life……. Cancer has not taken that away from me but rather refined it. Cancer has refined my heart to know that in my desperate attempts to always be doing, that there is great beauty in the stillness. In the gentle whispers that life has to offer. Cancer in so many ways has been a gentle whisper……
Cancer has gently found way into the depths of my heart. Into places I never even knew existed. This gentle whisper has allowed others to lean in closer to me. To listen, to love and to show up. I am honored that I get the chance to be the recipient of that.
I truly believe it is a privilege to have others walk in a journey with you. For others to cry with and for me. For others to pray for me. For others to show up on my parents doorstep so I could simply hear the words, We love you….. We are here with you. Sunday evening I sat on the airplane, with tears down my cheeks reading through the many cards I received while I was home in Kentucky. I cried reliving the sweet moments spent with my family and the laughter with friends of past….. May everyone get the chance to be held up by others in their lifetime. Perhaps not through a cancer diagnosis but in so many ways I hope you too, get to feel the love that is others showing up when you need it most.
Someone described me on Sunday as “glowing”.
What a beautiful compliment that is. I truly believe that if I really do appear to be glowing ….. I am a glowing reflection of the outpour of love that has come from all of you. You all allow me to be the one who is smiling, laughing and knowing full well the joy that is cancer.
This past weekend was just that….. My work surprise party was that (I had not clue), complete with cake, and shots of bourbon and frozen meals for me to take and last evening having a bonfire, and food with those whom I consider my Colorado family…… it was. It all has been great joy.
But I am ready. Ready for this to begin. To say goodbye to work for a while, pack my hospital bag, and share my last meal with my parents tonight before tomorrow’s big day.
Again my words seem so inadequate to express my appreciation to everyone that I have seen in the last few days, for the tears you express to me and for all of those sending their love far away.
Hope you find great joy today…… from Colorado. Love Kristina.
Below are some pictures from the weekend.
Louisville vs. Florida State Game….