**** I started this blog last evening
Fall has always been my very favorite time of year. Being a girl who adores football and the changing of the seasons, crunchy leaves I have always thought are the best. Watching this fall from the inside of a house takes on a whole new view. Fall also means the coming of my birthday. I always felt that my birthday (November 17) was perfect timing. Typically, should the calendar fall appropriately, Thanksgiving comes the following week after my birthday and then we dive into all things Christmas.
**** This I wrote this morning
Tonight I am sitting next to my mom as she reads through the countless cards I have received. We find great comfort in re-reading them, knowing that others are in this with me. Rachel and Erin are working on their laptops in between responding to my requests. (water, kombucha, chap stick….). I appreciate patience as visitors slowly make their way to see me. As you could have guessed I am not very good at resting and realized this morning I have not taken a nap yet. My body this morning I believe was asking for it. My stomach was unsettled. I found myself sitting on the floor in the bathroom leaning over a small bucket unsure what were tears or saliva before I was going to get sick. Afraid of getting sick I began to pray…… someone recently shared with me that perhaps praying doesn’t look as conventional as we think it should. Between tears and pleas with my heart aches…… I remember that this journey is just beginning. Praying for peace, for rest and to know that the greatest author is still writing the greatest story for me in my future…..
So each time I try to pick something up, or walk up and down the stairs I am trying to slow down and to be still. Allow my body to heal…..
I read this today and I really like it….
“To be alive is to be broken. And to be broken is to stand in the need of grace. Honesty keeps us in touch with our neediness and the trust that we are saved sinners. There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.” Brennan Manning.
I am certainly not pretending, I am just still coming to terms that I have breast cancer and four days ago I had a double mastectomy. Taking deep breaths….. (just not too deep, it hurts).