For What Once Was

The videos that capture the laughter, my kids singing “Deck the Halls” (or screaming rather for the hundredth time), photos of me riding in the back of a pickup truck through the country, smiling at the faces of my second graders that I once got to stare into each day of the week, reminiscing my Birthday that I spent on the river in Guatemala last November, or admiring the Volcanoes that stood amidst the sunset in Antigua Thanksgiving in 2012. 

My heart longs for that place in the jungle by the lake,  the place I once called home, the place that gave me more than I ever asked for in return. A place that seemed to know love and joy like I had never had before. So while I bundle up (-9 F tonight in Denver) and drive to work tomorrow as I will do the next…. I cannot help but wonder……

This time last year my class of second graders were opening advent bags filled with surprises. We laughed more, played more, colored more and sang often as we prepared for our Christmas concert. Although I may be settled in Colorado today and enjoying the backdrop of mountains on my morning commute…. not a second passes that does not ache to be back in that place. A place that demonstrates the essence of what I believe God had intended all along. To live with deliberate passion, to love others well and to be fully engaged into those around us…..

Last January I found comfort reading the words of a Amy knowing she was now healed and dancing with Jesus. In April I grieved the loss of a another friend, and cried tears writing these words, Thoughts and prayers to you wherever you are… and whatever you are grieving because lets be honest I am certain I am not the only one.” 

It has been a year of great joy, loss and deep pains of grief……

So while I am warm, with a roof over my head and I have a job I love to attend in the morning……

I grieve for what once was and do my best to trust for what lies ahead…

I can choose to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thes.5:18) because I am confident He can see beyond what I can see. Furthermore, if I could see with His eyes I would make the same choice, because God is beyond good…

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