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homesick for home.

for the first time i want to be there. like now. i want my comforts. i want my friends. my closet of my clothes. i want to smell clean. like really clean. not the honduran clean where I have showered yet all my clothes are not quite clean because our washer is broken “clean”.I want the… I have showered, put on lotion, and perfume kind of clean. I want to eat food and not worry about getting sick. to sleep in a bed with comfy sheets and blankets. to not have bugs crawling on my floor. for dirt to not be on my feet every hour of every day. to not wake up at 6:30 am to be already sorting out second grade boys before 7;30 am. to not worry about putting on lotion so I do not attract more bugs to bite me.

I emailed my family friend today, that is kind enough to let me keep my car in their winter home while I am in Honduras. I emailed to check in. Not sure what I think this would achieve, given the fact that they are not even in Colorado at this moment or the fact that my car is not something that has feelings and or shows emotion. I suppose I just wanted to make sure it was ok. Is my car still there?

My things. I have not given to much thought about the things I do not have but today I miss things. My favorite pair of boots. My scarves. DVR and Fall TV. Curling my hair. Curling up on a couch. Football. Shoes. Wearing proper makeup. (not like here where I wear bare minimum because lets be honest it is too hot and sweaty and I certainly do not have anyone I am to impress).

Selfish maybe but today I just miss. I am tired of waking up to the rain. For it to rain all day. For it then to be hot and humid. Tired of feeling dirty. Sick of ants crawling up our walls. Tired of having to place toilet paper in a trash bin because the plumbing is bad. For wearing the same yellow polo, that I only have two of, four days a week. Taking a shower in our kitchen (this is where our shower is). Tired of it being a normal occurrence that the electricity and internet would be off.

The irony I am well aware of, is that come next summer, and I leave this place. These are the very things I will miss.

night world from honduras. week from saturday i turn 25. hard to believe.

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