“Somewhere, some time ago, someone told you that you had to do it all — and you had to do it all by yourself. Instead of saying no, paring down, and embracing quality of life over quantity of commitments, you allowed your life to spin out of control, And it’s left you without half a second to take a deep breath.” – Grace Not Perfection, Emily Ley


I was looking through pictures this morning and remember that day on the left (two years ago). I was so proud of my new fuzzy head and quite frankly loved it. You can see my lack of eyebrows and eyelashes despite my desperate attempts to coat on pounds of mascara. (thank you lash boost for my new brows and lashes). That girl was cancer free and feeling like she was beginning to be herself again. The picture on the right I took this morning. I attempted to recreate the same face despite feeling really off this morning.  Reality has hit me over the head when I woke up feeling utterly exhausted.

I thought now would be a good time to share that I go to my doctor on Monday at the Cancer Center. I think I am the most nervous I have ever been likely due to the fact that I have not been in 6 months which for me is the longest I have been between checkups. I am also a little nervous because two friends in my breast cancer circles this past month have had a reoccurrence diagnosing them with Stage IV Breast Cancer. It is a bittersweet reminder that we are truly not promised anything in this life and that each day really is a gift.

Speaking of days being gifts I have nearly worn myself to the ground these past few weeks… I have been filling my calendar and forgetting to invest in myself.  I have a hard time saying no and often times don’t want to miss out. Does anyone else feel that way? Last week I spent an entire week with my family in Telluride and realized even there I felt this need to always go. So this evening I am going to take some time to take a look at the next few weeks and carve out sometime for me and for the Lord.

I am officially 15 weeks away from my 200 Mile Bike Ride, Tour De Pink in California. Which means at the 12 week mark I will begin my intense training schedule. While this will demand a lot of time, I am excited about the structure that will be early mornings, hopefully early nights to bed and lots of fueling my body to succeed. I am truly overwhelmed by all of the support I have received!

I have raised $3,115! Thank you so much for all of your support.

I  intend to keep everyone updated with my training and how I am doing. In the meantime I would appreciate your prayers as I head to the doctor Monday and should have my tumor marker results on Tuesday. Have a great Thursday!


  • PS: Seriously Lash Boost (Rodan and Fields) changed my lashes… they are longer, fuller and thicker. Message me if I can get you some! It is the best!


Days seem to pass more quickly as I get older, I am not sure if anyone else feels that way but I constantly feel the urge to slow down. There seems to be too many things for such little time and the next thing you know it is already June.

In the past six months I watched as three women in my close circle pass due to cancer. (Jenna, Jenna, Kim). It is a strange and guilty feeling. The constant wondering as to why I am still here and why they are not. Why not me? The service for one of these women is next Monday and I want to attend but my mom asked me if I thought that was a good idea. For me the funeral, the celebration is a reminder of what I have been given and what was taken from her. As a cancer survivor I cling to anything that can help me understand as to why me… I suppose to it is my way to give thanks for the more days that I have.

I visit my doctor next month and if I am honest I have started to prepare myself for not good news. It is like something the mind does without you telling it, prepare for the worst in case that becomes true then it won’t hurt that bad. Seems like the logical thing to do? Protect yourself, don’t take a risk then you never get hurt. How many times have I done that?

In the last couple of weeks I have had a lot of hard conversations with myself. About what I am doing with this life I have been given?  Is my life reflecting the very person I want to be, the person I want to be proud of. For those of you that know me well this probably does not come as a surprise, I am very hard on myself. I seem to have created these expectations that sometimes take the very best of me. Can anyone else relate?

Two years ago I attended a celebration of life for Kara Tippets, a breast cancer survivor that died at age 36 leaving three children and a husband. Her words I read over and over as a constant encouragement. The below quote….resonates so much.

So today I am asking myself to open my hands wide to the dreams I once had and embrace the different dreams that are now in place. Asking myself to move towards the love that is so evident all around me and the grace that so abounds.

I plan on giving a full update on my training schedule and my upcoming bike race this October soon! For the most part I feel very well, I still have insomnia a bit while sleeping and hot flashes but I try and take it one day at a time.

  • Heather Brown

    Thank you for sharing what’s on your mind and heart. I am so excited to hear about your upcoming biking adventure!ReplyCancel

Some friends of friends (that I call my friends) took the first 365 days of their marriage and have been traveling the world. From Southeast Asia to Patagonia and all these incredible places in-between they took off from their jobs and set out to explore the world. They have kept all of us informed through their blog where they take turns sharing of their incredible journey and sometimes exhausting uncomfortable days in the most unlikely of places. Each time they post I look forward to hearing of what their next adventure was…. but particulary this morning the post has touched me so. Her words read….

“Words can’t express how unimaginably thankful I am for this year. Among so many other things, it has given us time and space. To learn things we’ve always wanted to learn. To do things we’ve always wanted to do. The things that would have otherwise remained on the “someday I’ll..’ list.”

Someday I’ll…. 

Her words brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same way… not because I traveled the world for a year but because my journey through breast cancer gave me so much of this same thoughts. It gave me time and space and made me ask myself, what have I always wanted to do? Amongst these things breast cancer showed me how precious it all is and exposed me to the very depth of sorrow. It brought me to the very deepest brokenness that I never knew one could feel and still have a heart beat. It has given me a perspective some would say… but if you ask me it has given me immense gratitude for what it means to be alive.

I am now two years and two months cancer free and in my constant wrestling with what should I do next and where should I spend my time, occasionally I come back to the place of asking myself…. who am I? What makes me me. What makes me feel alive? What gives me joy? Do you ever ask yourself that? What truly gives you life? What do you really love? Not in the artificial or you are expected to love that sort of thing way, but what do YOU really love?

Unfortunately this is harder than it looks to do because just as we seem to get the answers to these questions the pressure of society and the expectations we set on ourselves come crashing over us… So I again go back to this place of asking the questions over again or as Mary Oliver says, “What will you do with your one wild and precious life?”

For me this has become the theme of the past few months… I began dedicating time to teaching Sunday School. I have always loved kids so I thought to myself why not start on Sunday mornings. Next I began babysitting. Not because I need the money necessarily but because it has been a gift. It has been life giving to have the opportunity to pour into kids lives, make them feel special and give the parents an evening away. I then decided to invite my breast cancer group and coworkers to join me at the Denver Rescue Mission so we can serve men and women a warm meal. This has been a different kind of rewarding that one must experience to understand and lastly my “Someday I’ll” brought me to my road bike and California. I have always wanted to ride my road bike on the coast of California… so this October I will ride 200 miles to raise money for the Young Survivor Coalition. I am riding for all of the women who can no longer ride. I will ride for my dear friend Amy who showed me how to battle breast cancer and fight to the very end. I will ride for all of those who had a “Someday I’ll” list and never got to do those things.

So McKenzie and Brad while you travel the world I want to say thank you… for reminding me that we are meant to take the time and the space to do the very things that have been implanted on our hearts. It is so often so easy to forget…

So what is on your “Someday I’ll” list that you have been waiting to do….


Please consider supporting me in my bike ride this October. Due to the generosity of SO MANY of you I am only $75.00 to my goal of $2500.00. I have now decided that by October I will try and double this amount. Thank you all for your support.

Each year, more approximately 12,150 women under age 40 are diagnosed with breast cancer. That’s a small number compared with the estimated 246,600 diagnoses this year in women of all ages, but the disease is typically more aggressive and more likely to metastasize in younger patients. The Young Survivor Coalition works with survivors, caregivers and medical, research, advocacy and legislative communities to increase the quality and quantity of life for women ages 40 and under who are diagnosed with breast cancer. The money raised in Tour de Pink rides helps educate, empower, and connect more than 250,000 women living in the U.S. today who were diagnosed with breast cancer.

You may click to donate below! Thank you!



You read my subject line and probably thought to yourself what is Kristina up to now. To be honest I have to ask myself that quite often. As I mark my second year as a breast cancer survivor I am learning more and more about how important it is to say yes to things that make me feel alive and fill you up, while giving yourself the opportunity to say no to things that steal. I recently finished the book, Present Over Perfect and these words seemed so appropriate….

“The world will tell you how to live, if you let it. Don’t let it. Take up your space. Raise your voice. Sing your song. This is your chance to make or remake a life that thrills you.”
― Shauna Niequist

If you know me well and live close in my company you know that life is something I treasure dearly. I have learned unfortunately the hard way at how precious it is. When asked of having breast cancer young, I often tell people I was given the “privilege” of being diagnosed young and the joy of living as a survivor. It has given me the opportunity to take some steps back from this life and spend more time on those things that matter most.

So that brings me to this October…. I have made the decision to ride in a three day 200 mile charity bike ride up and down the coast of Southern California in honor, celebration and remembrance of other young women like myself who have had breast cancer. The ride takes place on October 27-29, 2017. The ride totals: 207 miles. 8,128 feet elevation. I am excited about dedicating the next 7 months to training and fundraising for this special event. I fully intend to keep my blog as a place of information, training and my fundraising efforts.

One of the most personal ways you can participate is by making a donation. For each person that donates at least $50.00 you may give the name of one person that you would like to be written on my jersey. It may be in celebration of or in memory of. I would be truly honored to ride with their name written on my back.

Please visit my page below to see how you can get involved. I will be posting and sharing a lot more about this event over the next few months! So looking forward to representing all Breast Cancer Survivors in October.



You have cancer and to be honest I don’t know what to say. You look to me for the answers to understand and I have attempted to protect myself from going to that place again. On the outside we talk about things analytically and I carefully try to keep myself from feeling too much.

But, what you cannot see is that inside of me I created a shell to protect myself and it is slowly starting to crack. My efforts to keep my emotions tightly packaged are too much. So overtime my shell breaks down and I slowly break alongside you. Not all at once but slowly the tears take over for my confidence and I find myself back in that place all together again.

If I am honest it breaks my heart that you have to feel what I felt. That you will find yourself in the darkest of the deepest of places. And all I want to say is I am sorry and I wish I could take it away from you. Rather prideful of me but I think to myself I did it before, I can do it again. So Lord just let me try again.

Because if I told you what I really felt about cancer, I would say it is the best and worst thing. But most often it will feel like the worst thing.  What I would rather tell you is what happens afterward. (the better part). But, before you can have the after you have to have the now.  The now that wants to come so close to breaking you before you are healed. The now that hurts. A depth of loneliness that only cancer creates. It is this weird place where only you know, others attempt to understand and a place only you get to be. Cancer doesn’t share. It is not contagious. It comes at you and then everything you encounter is impacted by more ways than I can mention on this blog.

I could tell you that you will be stronger than you ever thought, but unfortunately you won’t realize that until the end and there may not be an end. I could tell you that that life will be richer after, that things will matter to you that you never imagined that they would but I don’t know if you will get life after. I could tell you to let others in, let others love  you and care for you but trust me it is hard to do. But oh if you can please try. Try even just a little.

I have decided that one of the most beautiful places to be looking is into someone else eyes. Not just anyones eyes but the eyes of someone who is crying for you. I have known and felt love but never knew how much until I saw the eyes of those who looked at me and grieved. Those who looked at me as tears filled there eyes. It is truly and honor and a privilege to be the recipient of someones tears.

So while you are walking the road you never wanted, the story you never dreamed would be yours, take some time to look into the eyes of others and see their tears and know how dearly loved and treasured you are. Because you indeed are dearly and truly loved.

I am still navigating this post cancer life, honored to have had the opportunity to share my story this past weekend at Snowshoe for the Cure in Frisco Colorado. Below are some pictures! (Wigs make everything better)